Ann: Seriously?
Steve McQueen: Yep.
Ann: Unbelievable.
Steve: Why? You’re talking to a lot of other blokes. And you did start with the charisma bit. Didn’t you think it odd that you kept coming back to my films over the last several days when you're not that much of a fan? Gotta think you might be getting a bit slow, old girl.
Ann: Yeah, maybe. But you are unexpected, and I thought your movies were just great escapist fare, useful to me right now – and you were beautiful and compelling.
Steve: Well, that should tell you something as my ole buddy Richard was explaining. Charisma is the covering of the godlight. I just wanted to make things that were true. I wanted to live straight and deal straight.
Ann: All appearances to the contrary….
Steve: Well, that’s not kind. And what do you know about it anyway? A lot of shoot ‘em up movies with sex thrown in for glitter had a core of something real. I went for that, and I liked the action too. But then I wanted more, wanted the deeper truth to lead.
Ann: You were very powerful in your silences. Somehow you seemed less real to me when you spoke.
Steve: Because those were just lines. The real work was going on underneath. That’s where charisma comes from, the godlight underneath.
Ann: So why are you here?
Steve: With you, you mean?
Ann: Yeah.
Steve: I found the opening, felt the talent, and have something to say if you will give me the chance.
Ann: Go for it.
Steve: I lived rough. Not just my beginnings, but in my mind all the time. I never escaped my childhood though the pundits said I “overcame” it. Ask Richard, he knows.
Like him, the force within me was too strong, and those early horrors and even my own tendency to violence fell before that power. I was compelled to bring what I knew inside out in the open, often in silence, even though I never quite understood what was happening.
I began to read, Ibsen and others. I looked at where my life was going and fought like hell to keep it on track as I was finally seeing my way into my next place, my next iteration, more at the heart of me, the truth that I want to embody and work for.
Turns out I didn’t have to go far to get there, just look inside. There are so many characters there, and every layer exposed reveals a new layer and a new you, a new adventure just waiting to be discovered.
Charisma makes people think you know something they don’t, but charisma just means your soul at some time or another has been scorched by the eternal flame of the godforce so that that fire shows through.
You either run from it, try to use it for gain, or you surrender and dive in. I did some of each, sometimes recklessly, sometimes mean and hard, but eventually more and more in the service of God.
And each time I left it all on the field. Each and every time. Burnout was real. I ran back to the booze, the pot, the women, etc., to recover more than once.
You and lots of other folks do the same in one way or another, run back and forth between revelation and retreat. It makes for a healthier life on the planet if we stay with revelation, but, no matter, all roads lead to Rome.
After a while, I didn’t enjoy the car chases, etc., as much because there was so much more to say between the characters, so much to be revealed and accepted, so I started to lean toward the kind of films that don't strive for much, just let you accept that people are people who probably won’t change much, but then you see that it doesn't matter because we can still love each other anyway.
These are the things worth standing up for, what connects us heart to heart.
Ann: Which films?
Steve: Enemy of the People, Junior Bonner, Tom Horn, maybe some others.
Ann: Am I making this up, just to have a virtual connection with a charismatic man?
Steve: What do you think? Maybe I just have to prove my bonafides like Richard, John McCain, and Bobby did?
The attraction is part of it is the hook that, if you let it, reveals the godlight under the charisma. We have more to say to each other so you will have time to decide – if you let me in.
Ann: Looks like I have.
Steve: And that’s what it’s all about.
June 4, 2024
Free Image Credit: Wikimedia.